It's my party
As they say 'it's your birthday, baby.' And so I felt I should blog this day.
In the second that the second hand ticked to 12am, I indeed, felt a tad changed this year. It was as if I was finally on the right side of 20s, but with the years ticking increasingly fast. The urgency was still there. The impulse was still there, albeit wiser and tempered with only what experience could bring.
There's nothing like a birthday to create an urgent sense of what is akin to popularity stakes. "Will it be a quiet one this year?" "Will no one remember?" Nothing of that sort! Which means, along the way, for all my fucked up ways, I think I must've done something right. I went with my best girlfriends, the bestest people in the world, whom I've known for 15 years, to my fav Mexican place. The place where I first went with him to my birthday years ago. So much has changed, I almost couldn't recognize that girl in the same mirror in the loo. (If I'm indulging too much, fuck you)
Anyways, for all our sophisticated ways, we were, as young girls, stripped away to the very essence you could only be with, when with real friends. We drank a toast to innocence, to youth. If it was on the young that youth was wasted, I agree. As we observed how much faster the blood seemed to flow in girls much younger, and how their very skin seemed so taut with the promise of tomorrow; so we drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now.
And the sweet things sneakily suggested a coffee place where there were cakes available. So came the embarassing birthday pictures, song and candles. As I blew out the candles (I'll let you in on a secret) I made a wish for them to always be as happy. The same wish as I'd made with the family every year, as with friends. That they be kept safe, happy and always be around to celebrate this moment. If there's something I've learnt about love, is that you'd always want them to be happy and well. Dear things, I wish life was kinder to you and that you have all the happiness that you all deserve. And that would be really, worth more than any presents I could get.
And then the sms-es came, thank you, Shawn, Myrelle, Jovelyn, Eugene, Keith, Augustin, Brett. And more to come, I'm sure, from friends known thru the years. I'm sorry I spoiled your surprise for me tonight, Kat, Naz, Sheila, Allan, and CG. I didn't mean to! But I'm touched by the not-so-surprise 'do tonight.
Most of all, to the only one who taught me to believe in myself. You were a source of inspirtaion through the years. "I'll not forget "everytime our eyes meet, this feeling inside me, is almost more than I could take.. Every little thing that you do, baby I'm amazed by you." But as we met today, by chance, and as we never knew how to find a way back to each other, we tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how. I remember.. "When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
As I watched your back, the tune came back.. "I know I can be colourful, I know I can be grey. I know this loser's living fortunate, and I know you will love me either way." Through these years, I certainly hope so.
But indulgence is tiresome; so my love to all who's loved me through the ugly years. And the new ones who's getting hopefully, a better model of me, perhaps.
Happy birthday to me.
In the second that the second hand ticked to 12am, I indeed, felt a tad changed this year. It was as if I was finally on the right side of 20s, but with the years ticking increasingly fast. The urgency was still there. The impulse was still there, albeit wiser and tempered with only what experience could bring.
There's nothing like a birthday to create an urgent sense of what is akin to popularity stakes. "Will it be a quiet one this year?" "Will no one remember?" Nothing of that sort! Which means, along the way, for all my fucked up ways, I think I must've done something right. I went with my best girlfriends, the bestest people in the world, whom I've known for 15 years, to my fav Mexican place. The place where I first went with him to my birthday years ago. So much has changed, I almost couldn't recognize that girl in the same mirror in the loo. (If I'm indulging too much, fuck you)
Anyways, for all our sophisticated ways, we were, as young girls, stripped away to the very essence you could only be with, when with real friends. We drank a toast to innocence, to youth. If it was on the young that youth was wasted, I agree. As we observed how much faster the blood seemed to flow in girls much younger, and how their very skin seemed so taut with the promise of tomorrow; so we drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now.
And the sweet things sneakily suggested a coffee place where there were cakes available. So came the embarassing birthday pictures, song and candles. As I blew out the candles (I'll let you in on a secret) I made a wish for them to always be as happy. The same wish as I'd made with the family every year, as with friends. That they be kept safe, happy and always be around to celebrate this moment. If there's something I've learnt about love, is that you'd always want them to be happy and well. Dear things, I wish life was kinder to you and that you have all the happiness that you all deserve. And that would be really, worth more than any presents I could get.
And then the sms-es came, thank you, Shawn, Myrelle, Jovelyn, Eugene, Keith, Augustin, Brett. And more to come, I'm sure, from friends known thru the years. I'm sorry I spoiled your surprise for me tonight, Kat, Naz, Sheila, Allan, and CG. I didn't mean to! But I'm touched by the not-so-surprise 'do tonight.
Most of all, to the only one who taught me to believe in myself. You were a source of inspirtaion through the years. "I'll not forget "everytime our eyes meet, this feeling inside me, is almost more than I could take.. Every little thing that you do, baby I'm amazed by you." But as we met today, by chance, and as we never knew how to find a way back to each other, we tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how. I remember.. "When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
As I watched your back, the tune came back.. "I know I can be colourful, I know I can be grey. I know this loser's living fortunate, and I know you will love me either way." Through these years, I certainly hope so.
But indulgence is tiresome; so my love to all who's loved me through the ugly years. And the new ones who's getting hopefully, a better model of me, perhaps.
Happy birthday to me.
posted by almost lucid at
12:40 AM
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