You've got a hold on me
Let's talk about power, more specifically, the power people. This was inspired by an account of a close friend of mine. It's amazing, the games that people play, unwittingly or not. How have we evolved from an amoeba to such subtle manupulation of the mind? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the occasional manipulation, (we do live in the real world) but when it starts to really hurt people, well, that's just not right, ain't it?
You see, the thing about power people is you're made to feel like it's hurricane season most of the time. Imagine falling in love with that wind before it turned so powerful, while it was still a gentle tropical breeze. Recall the movie Citizen Kane? When Kane firsts meets sweet young Susan, the incredibly powerful Kane is as cute and vulnerable as he can be. But before you know it, he's ruling her life and everything in it.
Yes, we all want to be with someone who is strong and passionate about everything. But when does powerplay cross the line? You know the routine, it starts with the small stuff like decision making. What do you want to do today? Who's allowed to shout and under what circumstance? Where shall we take a vacation this year? But when all are fertile ground for a power struggle, when do you decide that enough, is enough, baby? You've got too much of a hold on me.
Power play boils down to getting your needs met, essentially. Does your partner bombard you with difficulties each time you try to get your needs met? What's up with that? There's a lot to think about here.
Tactics for power people:
1. Power Judo - They lull you into thinking you're getting what you asked for, then quietly sneak in needs of their own. "Let's do this thing i want first, it won't take long." "Can't you just wait a second?"
2. Best defense is a good offense - Whatever need you have, power people make you feel there's something wrong with you for having that need. They'll provide a variety of labels. "defensive", "neurotic", "co-dependant", "emotional"... "There must be something wrong with me because I have this need." You end up feeling shitty about yourself and no amount of slapping you awake is digging you out of this unhealthy quagmire.
3. Dirty Fighting - In a car: "You think this is fast, I'll show you fast." And the idiot steps on the brakes with no regard for common sense or your safety. Selfish, much?
If you ever had the fortune of living with such a power person, you reach a stage where you fantasize about bludgeoning the bugger. Or perhaps you choose to stay because you develop this sick sense that recovering your pride and satisfaction lies in dominating or at least, undermining the person who's put the whammy on you for so long. It's amazing how for many people, it digs you deeper into the relationship - slaves of misery and hatred.
In a sense, it's not that different from physical abuse, is it? Just that the bruises don't show where it hurt. And let's not even get into that.
You see, the thing about power people is you're made to feel like it's hurricane season most of the time. Imagine falling in love with that wind before it turned so powerful, while it was still a gentle tropical breeze. Recall the movie Citizen Kane? When Kane firsts meets sweet young Susan, the incredibly powerful Kane is as cute and vulnerable as he can be. But before you know it, he's ruling her life and everything in it.
Yes, we all want to be with someone who is strong and passionate about everything. But when does powerplay cross the line? You know the routine, it starts with the small stuff like decision making. What do you want to do today? Who's allowed to shout and under what circumstance? Where shall we take a vacation this year? But when all are fertile ground for a power struggle, when do you decide that enough, is enough, baby? You've got too much of a hold on me.
Power play boils down to getting your needs met, essentially. Does your partner bombard you with difficulties each time you try to get your needs met? What's up with that? There's a lot to think about here.
Tactics for power people:
1. Power Judo - They lull you into thinking you're getting what you asked for, then quietly sneak in needs of their own. "Let's do this thing i want first, it won't take long." "Can't you just wait a second?"
2. Best defense is a good offense - Whatever need you have, power people make you feel there's something wrong with you for having that need. They'll provide a variety of labels. "defensive", "neurotic", "co-dependant", "emotional"... "There must be something wrong with me because I have this need." You end up feeling shitty about yourself and no amount of slapping you awake is digging you out of this unhealthy quagmire.
3. Dirty Fighting - In a car: "You think this is fast, I'll show you fast." And the idiot steps on the brakes with no regard for common sense or your safety. Selfish, much?
If you ever had the fortune of living with such a power person, you reach a stage where you fantasize about bludgeoning the bugger. Or perhaps you choose to stay because you develop this sick sense that recovering your pride and satisfaction lies in dominating or at least, undermining the person who's put the whammy on you for so long. It's amazing how for many people, it digs you deeper into the relationship - slaves of misery and hatred.
In a sense, it's not that different from physical abuse, is it? Just that the bruises don't show where it hurt. And let's not even get into that.
posted by almost lucid at
8:59 PM
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